Wednesday, 14 September 2011

I think I need to talk about it...

Someone close to my family has recently become very ill. She's been ill for a while, but it's gotten far worse recently. She's been told that she WILL lose her sight, it's inevitable. Yesterday, she was rushed into hospital because she had collapsed. Apparently she had multiple brain seizures. Today we were told she's just had a stroke. This is where trying to find something positive to say is near impossible.

I can't even imagine what she must be going through and all my prayers are with her. My mum is going to see her tomorrow, but I'm not allowed to go. My mum said this was for 2 reasons: 
1)I'm at school -_- (So mundane it's infuriating ) 
2)She doesn't want me to see her in such state because it would upset me so much

Once, I would have said that the 2nd reason was fair enough, but not anymore. One of the last things She said to me was "I really don't think I want to live anymore." At this point I was on the verge of breaking down into tears myself. When I got home, I did. 
Hopefully I have a full life ahead of me-I know it will be full of both beautiful and tragic experiences (that's life) but I can honestly say that seeing an old lady, quivering in her chair, with no close family left, almost asking for death, will remain to be one of the most heartbreaking things I will ever hear/see. 

This whole situation is so sad. I want with all my heart for her to get better, but what if she does? What kind of life will it be? I know she will never fully recover. So it's just made me think...

if it's kinder to let go of those we love, we do we fight with all our hearts to keep them here with us?

Some may say we are selfish?Others may say it's just incredibly strong love? In the end, I think it's just another one of those things. A stepping stone over a river. 
Sometimes the river is gentle and calm, sometimes we can float. Other days, it's cruel and reckless- pushing us as far and we can go. Sometimes we drown. 
But, whether we drown or not, we all end up in stillness eventually. Together. 

I know this post will bear little meaning to anyone but me, but if you have read it - Thank you. 

Now we must make the choice. Life is limited. Live it. 


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